Today I woke up angry at God. It is not often I am amgry with Him, but today, I have had enough.

I am tired of living in this body. Tne one that cannot hear or see. The one that trips over everything, the one that forces me to living in my own little world for the past 45 years and yeah, I'm tired of it. The mental exhaustion it takes just to see and hear in my own house has taken its toll.

I wonder why I am here, what is my purpose? I have a great husband but he gets mad at me when I remind him he said he would do something and he still has not done it after several weeks or months. Unfortunately it is not until I use a tone of voice that he pays attention, gets mad AT ME and then does it.

The house is a constant mess. I clean up one area and within minutes, it is like a tornado hit it. I get mad and give up and the house gets worse. It does not matter bow many times I remind, beg or get mad, things are still left on the floor for me to trip over, dishes are constantly left out, garbage is not thrown away.

My brother rarely treats me with respect. He is my only sibling but when he calls it is to talk to Pete, never to see how I am doing. He does not respond to my emails when I have a legitimate questions. When I ask him questions, he says I want too many details. I don't talk to him for months and he says I ask too much.

So, yeah, I am ticked off at God today. I wll pray for some help, strength and some answers because, Lord, I really need some. My mom, my husnabd and my kids deserve to know that I'm ok. They already know I am a fighter, but someimes evem fighters need a break in life.

The Beginning of the End

The whole idea of 'picklejuice' came about because I wanted to go to a place where I could just complain. I don't like to do that on my other blog because I prefer to keep things on a lighter note. Lately, I have not blogged much because I have been having a rough couple of months.

It all started the end of October when I walked into church and it seemed like half the lights were not on. After church, I ask Pete if it was dark in church and he said "No, it was the same as always." My heart sank. THe previous week, things had seemed 'normal' and now I have lost a significant amount. Usually the vision is worse on days when I am sick or tired but I felt fine.

Now it is two months later and things are just as bad. I somehow make it through Thanksgiving and we have an unusual amount of doctor appointments. Next week, I will try to see if I can get in to see a doctor in Chicago who was at the RP convention.

Meanwhile I cannot seem to get out of the slump I am in and it is taking its toll on my family. Right now the phrase "the beginning of the end' really sums up how I feel.

Welcome

Welcome to my new post.....picklejuice...where I rant and rave and sometimes it stings like picklejuice. I look forward to it and I hope you do too.